Sunday, May 22, 2016

Nothing has been going on.

Nothing exciting has happened lately.  My hair is green now, so there's that.

I've been working on my Geisha a bit, but I'm not sharing a picture until her face is done.  Maybe her head, I don't know.  I am working on another (yes, ANOTHER) blanket.  I have an obsession and probably should stop, but I would fill my house with blankets if I could.  Anyway, here's the blanket!

It's supposed to look like one of those star quilts.  The pattern is really easy and hasn't bored me yet which is a problem I have with projects.  I'm already started on the purple which is the next round of colors.  

I just separated all my threads for the map of California I'm stitching.  I figured I'll stitch a map for each place my husband gets stationed.  Kind of a little memento for each place we've been.  Cheesy, but then again, that's just what I am.

Off to make my minions their lunch.  Happy stitching, everyone!

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Half my stuff is missing!

I have been unpacking my house by myself because my husband works most of the day.  Unfortunately I ended up throwing my back out really badly so I had to take a break.

This afternoon, for some reason, I got the itch to cross stitch.  I think it's my anxiety has built up because I haven't been able to do much around the house because of pain.  You know, feeling like a bump on a log.

I got off the couch and figured I'd wander upstairs and collect my massive scroll frame and peacock kit.  It dawned on me:  I haven't seen my peacock kit since California.  I keep all my stitching stuff in the same place and so it hadn't occurred to me before that my stuff wouldn't be there.  Habits, you know?

I figured I must have just forgotten to unpack it.  I went all the way downstairs and outside to my garage.  I dug through a couple boxes that I thought my stuff would be in and never found it.  Eventually I started getting angry and thinking, "Back pain be damned, I am going to find what I am looking for!"  I tore through my entire garage and never found anything.  I went through all the boxes that had previously been unpacked and as I went through each box, I tossed it aside.  Realizing that there were no more boxes to go through, I went back upstairs to check my stitching supplies again just in case I missed it.

Now I'm in more pain than I was when I started, and still all my stuff is missing.  I take inventory of my supplies, so I have a rough idea of everything that's missing:

My gigantic peacock kit (the whole thing...threads, canvas, everything)
All my hoops
All my threads
All my finished, but unframed projects
All my not finished projects
My pattern binders
My cross stitch magazines
Half my aida and linen (brand new)
All my needles.  Every single one except the one attached to my Geisha.
My seed beads
My project bags

I can't wait for my husband to come home this weekend because he said that he's going to help me unpack every box.  He's irritated because he helped me collect all that stuff over the years and a lot of things were gifts from him.

The only reason my Geisha was never touched by the movers was because it was in the car with me (and my two Sophie blankets) so I could work on her in the various hotels we stayed at.

So frustrated and really sad because I'm fearing the worst right now.  I really, really just hope I overlooked it all.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Geisha WIP It's been a while!

Holy cow, it's been a long while since I posted a Geisha WIP.  Like...since OCTOBER!  But I've done a bit of stitching on her since being in Texas, so here's what we've got!  The left is the last picture I shared to this blog and the right is where I'm at now:

Quite a difference!  And I've worked on her more since I took this picture so there's a little bit more done than this.  I didn't realize it had been so long since I shared a picture.  I will probably share another picture when I add her head.  She's still headless right now.  I think her background is going to be the most tedious part because of the confetti stitching with beading.

I am watching Wreck It Ralph with my kids, so I will be off.  Happy stitching, everyone!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Something bugging me *****WARNING!!! May trigger******

This is long and rambling, but I feel like I needed to get it out there...even if no one reads it.  It's mostly just to make myself feel better.

Everyone who knows me knows that I absolutely ADORE Toby Turner's YouTube videos.  I've been a fan since...I don't know when.  Just after high school maybe?  Maybe a year or two later?  Something like that.  If you have heard of him lately, it hasn't exactly been in a good light.  There were allegations that he had drugged and raped a girl.  While I don't personally believe her, I can't say whether the allegations are true or false.  I wasn't there, I don't know any of the people involved personally, so I can't say whether it's happened or not.  Not my place, honestly.  I just know what I believe.

The reason I bring this up is because this whole situation reminded me of something that happened when I was 15 that I would have rather forgotten because it changed everything between a friend and myself.  I won't give any names, so we'll call my friend "F" for this story.

It was my sophomore year of high school, so this happened about 12 years ago (wow, I feel old now) and "F" (a friend I'd literally had my whole life) just told me about a very tragic event that happened in her household.  No details as that would give away her identity to people who may know her.  Her entire family was destroyed.  She was definitely going through some weird emotions and all I could do was to be there for her.  She was probably going to move away for a while and maybe visit me sometimes.  I was devastated at having a friend move away, and I felt very selfish for feeling that way.

Fast forward a couple weeks.  My friend tells me she's been raped.  F just suffered this horrible event in her household and now this has happened?  I can not deal with this anger I feel because F was like my sister.  I grew up with this girl.  Everything in my being wanted to strangle this BOY (we will call him "S").  I tried to be there for her as she cried and all I wanted to do was cry with her, but the seething anger and hatred for S, someone I thought I knew, was more than enough to keep me from crying too.

After a few times of her talking to me and me trying my hardest to convince her to file charges, she still refused.  I get it.  As a fellow survivor, I get it.  I really, really do.  I still tried, though.  I wanted S to pay for hurting F like he did.  I wanted him to pay.

Soon, though, things started sounding funny.  She wouldn't remember certain details.  I wrote this off as PTSD because again, I get it.  She started trying to ruin S's reputation.  This didn't bother me so much because I thought he deserved it.  I mean...he raped her.  He hurt my best friend in the entire world.  How could I not think he deserved it?

She succeeded.  S was labeled a rapist throughout the school.  He was never popular to begin with, but things got vastly worse for him.  He became a complete outcast and was constantly ridiculed.  Several times he attempted suicide because nobody believed him when he denied being a rapist.

F finally moved away a couple months later.  This is where things started to come out.

S started trying to appeal to all of F's friends saying that he never hurt her.  Naturally I didn't believe him because how could someone make that up?  I was disgusted that he even had the audacity to look at me let alone talk to me.  The other girls in our little clique felt the same.  How dare he.

 Another month or so later, it was F's birthday.  We were all gathered for her party where she introduced her new boyfriend to us.  Who shows up but S?  When everyone was obviously disgusted that he dared to even show his face, F says, "I invited him."  Everyone was pretty surprised and a little confused.  I talked to her later at her party and asked her why.

She told me that she wanted to show off her boyfriend.  She told me that her boyfriend wanted to put the fear of God into him.  Then she told me something that made my jaw drop.  She said that he never raped her.  She just wanted to get back at him for taking her virginity and then dumping her.  My heart sank.  In that moment I felt so much shame at the way I had treated this boy.  This poor, poor S who hadn't done the absolutely horrible thing that she had accused him of.  That she had made everyone believe he had done.

I was so angry with her that I left the party.  No word as to why, where I was going, or anything.  I walked home in the middle of the night by myself.  I couldn't handle all the different emotions that were running through me.  Guilt at the way I had treated S, anger that I had been lied to by someone I trusted so absolutely, fear that if he ever decided to press charges, I could be in trouble too, and selfish for all of the above.  I was disgusted with myself.  I was disgusted with her.

At 15, this was all too much to deal with.

Several months later, my mother announced to the family that we were moving at the end of the school year.

F and I carried on a friendship, but things were very stiff.  I didn't trust her anymore, but I didn't know how to not be friends with her.

During our final exams in school that year (before we moved), my assigned seat in the auditorium was right next to S.  During our hour break for lunch, I asked if I could talk to him.  I apologized for everything that I had put him through and I even apologized for F because I knew she didn't think she'd done anything wrong.  I apologized for everything.  I cried, he cried, and when the exams were over, we went our separate ways.  I felt better after getting everything off my chest and seeing him smile because someone finally believed him made me feel even better.

Nothing will ever take away what I did to him in high school.  I was young, dumb, and incredibly naive.  He never deserved the hell we put him through.  I thought I was a vigilante, but really I was just a bully.

When I moved away, I stopped talking to F.  I really had nothing to say to her.  I still hear from her every once in a while.  She's married with two kids now.

Good for her.  I wish her the best.

I wonder sometimes if she ever thinks about what she did.  I wonder if she ever feels bad for what she did.  I also wonder if she ever apologized to him.  I mean...she DID invite him to the party, I guess.  Maybe that was her way of apologizing?  I don't know.

I only brought all this up because of this whole thing going on with Tobuscus.  I've been feeling ill all over again about what happened with F and S since hearing about it.  I am a weird one, I have too much empathy for people I don't know.