Tonight I was on the receiving end of one of his screaming tantrums and I was so fed up and so frustrated at all the screaming I've dealt with today...that without thinking, I popped him on the mouth. I feel so guilty. And I'm so ashamed that I reacted that way. I have no excuses other than I'm a horrible mother.
So there, there is my admission of guilt. There is the thing that's eating me up even more than my medical issues. There is the reaction that shows that even though I'm an adult, I apparently act like a child.
My poor baby. I apologized and kissed and cuddled him while rocking him and saying sorry. I read to him his favorite book and sat with him while he jabbered at me. I wanted him to know that I felt badly and wanted him to know that I love him and the issue isn't him, it's me.