Monday, July 7, 2014

No stitching updates for a bit. This post's a doozy.

Day 21 - Anime or Manga

The anime started it all for me.  Sailor Moon was actually the first anime I had ever watched and the first manga I had ever read, but it all started with that singular episode "A Moon Star is Born."  I guess it was something like "Crybaby Usagi's Beautiful Transformation" or something like that in Japanese, but I watched the dub before I ever saw anything else.

Day 22 - Favorite Merchandise Item

That's an actual picture of my DVD shelf that's sitting next to me as I type right now.  That collection is my pride and JOY.  I have every single episode (except the one missing episode from R for whatever reason) and all three movies.  My, oh, my how I've spent hours with those DVD's.  In fact, right now I've got Stars running in the background as I'm typing!

Day 23 - Favorite Song
Watashi-tachi ni Naritakute

In the English dub, I believe this song was called Baby Love.  It's the song that plays whenever Small Lady (Chibi Usa) and Pegasus are together.  Now...the reasoning for this is a very personal reason.  This is a long one and likely the rest of my update for today.  This is about to get REALLY personal, so here goes:

I had just given birth to my son.  We were still in the hospital and I was having trouble getting him to nurse.  He was screaming his head off and wouldn't eat.  He hadn't eaten since he was born and it had already been several hours.  I paged a nurse to come help me.  She said to me, "I'm going to check his blood sugar."  So she did.  She then says to me, "His sugar is low, you either need to give him a bottle or we're taking him to the NICU and you WILL be having a CPS investigation."

Just like that.  That's what she told me.  I said, "I'm having trouble getting him to latch."  She handed me a bottle and said, "Feed him this."

No help, nothing.  I kept trying that day to get him to latch and nothing.  Every time I would try, I was met with frustration and a screaming, red little minion that wanted nothing to do with me.  Feeling defeated, I gave him a bottle.

We were discharged from the hospital a day later, having still not been able to get him to latch.  Him only eating once in a while from a bottle.  Putting up a fight every time.  I hadn't slept since I'd given birth to him (it had been roughly 38 hours).  I was exhausted.

We got home and I was so happy to be in my own room with my newborn son.  In my own room.   In my own bed.  I didn't get to sleep, still.  We struggled all day to have my son eat.  Throughout the day, my mom would come take him off my hands.  I kept trying to nurse and eventually I just caved and gave him a bottle.

That night I was alone.  Everyone had gone to bed.  I was alone.  Alone with this tiny human that I felt way under qualified to look after.  My son was screaming.

Above my room was an upstairs bedroom that my mother used for a computer and video game room.  I remembered that there was an old rocking chair up there.  So I took my screaming minion (and a bottle, just in case) and we went upstairs into the quietest part of the house and we sat there in that rocking chair.  Him screaming and crying.  Me trying to get him to nurse.  Eventually, it all became too much for me and I started crying and whispering, "Please, please stop."  

I held him close and we rocked, him still screaming.  I kept trying to nurse and he screamed harder.  I tried the bottle and he screamed still.  He was miserable.  I was miserable.  We sat there rocking, my fight or flight response was triggered.  I couldn't think of anything to do.  I was full of anxiety and I still hadn't slept yet.  Going on 48 hours.

I was panicking and all I could think was, "A lullaby.  Maybe if I sing him a lullaby he'll settle down."  Then, because of my frazzled state, I couldn't think of anything.  It was almost like when you're put on stage and all you can think is, "LINE!"  The only song I could think of in my hormone, exhaustion, and screaming newborn state of mind was "Watachi-tashi ni Naritakute."  So I started to hum a little from the song.

He calmed down.

I don't know if it was that he, too was exhausted or if maybe the song soothed him.  I didn't care.  I started to silently cry while humming this song to him.  He yawned and taking a risk, I popped the bottle into his mouth, realizing that breastfeeding just wasn't going to be his thing.  We sat there, me humming and rocking him, and him staring at me while eating from his bottle.  Eventually, we snuck back downstairs to our room and snuggled until we both fell asleep.

To this day, whenever either of my children are fussy or inconsolable, I hum that song.  Silly, I know.

Okay, thinking about this and typing up this story kind of made me want to cry because I remember so vividly how I felt that night.  How miserable I was.  It's funny how as a first time mom you let everything freak you out, but when my daughter came along I was able to relax a bit more.

On to other stuff, well, one thing.

No progress updates for a while as I'm focusing solely on what I'm stitching for my swap partner.  So I'll probably have some updates in a few weeks, but nothing immediately.  Alright, I'm leaving you with my deeply, deeply personal attachment to a song from an ANIME of all things, and I'm going to go stitch for my swappie.  Happy stitching, everyone.


  1. I've said this before and I mean it: Sailor Moon touches fans deep down. There's just something so beautiful and personal about it. There's no shame in soothing your kids with a song from the anime; anyone with sense knows that just because it's animated, anime is not for kids. It's for us. I will never "grow out of" loving Sailor Moon. I loved that story, by the way. I know it had to be a magical feeling to calm your son with that seemingly random song. One of the best memories I have EVER is one on the day my son was born, all of 4 months ago (lol). He had just been delivered, weighed, and cleaned and he was crying, crying. The nurse couldn't get him to stop and neither could by husband, so I said give him to me. As soon as I had him I said, "Lucas, baby," and he stopped crying and just looked up at me with what I swear was wonder. The nurses know the miracle of a mother's touch, but I think Corey was jealous, lol. We moms are freaking awesome.

    1. Is Corey your husband's name? If so, i's funny because my husband's name is Corry lol.

      It's funny how quickly a mother clicks with her baby. I guess that's what happens when Mommy is all they know. The first few days are overwhelming, but you feel so amazing anyway. And even when times were bad, you see the past with rose tinted glasses and you realize you loved it anyway.

  2. Corey IS my husband's name! Man, what a weird, small world!
    I think I appreciate my son's baby stage a lot more because I see how quickly kids grow. I was watching videos of my daughter when she was 2 and 3 and the differences between then and now, at the ripe old age of 4, are astounding. And heartbreaking. So I definitely view my son's crying and pooping with rose tinted glasses because you can only take of these things for them once.

    1. Not only the difference between ages, but then the difference between personalities. Even as babies they're so different. My son was easy with every single transition and my daughter has fought me all the way. It's just funny how different everything is.